


Caffé Freddo

by BAKUGAG0



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, Break Up, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Content, Post-Break Up, This hurts, a lil bit of comedy maybe, fuck i made myself sad, im sorry, this pain was unnecessary, while writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 21:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BAKUGAG0/pseuds/BAKUGAG0
Summary: The only way to get past this feeling is to tell myself that you’re not coming back.





	Caffé Freddo

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up that some of the italicized stuff in the story are lyrics from LANY’s song “I Don’t Wanna Love You Anymore”
> 
> Please listen to it so you can relate while reading this!!

_The only way to get past this feeling is to tell myself that you’re not coming back._

 

“I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. I can’t be with you anymore.”

 

_**I don’t want to love you anymore.** _

 

“Just one last time, Akaashi. I promise after this, I’ll really let you go.

 

_Sometimes I just want to talk for a minute but I can’t bring myself to call because I know that your heart’s not really in it and whatever we have is gone._

 

_**I don’t want to love you anymore.** _

 

* * *

 

Akaashi was told to meet up at a small coffee shop. When Akaashi entered the store, the smell of fresh coffee immediately wafted through the air. Looking around at the interior, he noticed it has a nice vintage kind of feel to it.

 

“Hey Akaashi! Over here!”

Bokuto waved his hand wildly and pointed at the seat near the window.

 

“Yes. I can see you clearly, Bokuto-san.”

Akaashi took a seat in front of him.

 

“Long time no see, huh? Thanks for coming to meet me.”

 

“I was around town and decided to why not pay you a visit.”

 

Bokuto let out a grin. “It’s been like what? A year since we haven’t seen each other?”

 

“Well yes. It has been a long time.”

 

“Oh wait, we should order some drinks first.”

 

They went up to the counter and browsed through the menu. It seemed like Bokuto was already a regular here and told the barista he wanted the usual. Akaashi just ordered the first thing on the menu.

 

“What did you order, Akaashi?”

 

“Caffé Freddo.”

 

“Huh? What’s that?”

 

“It’s an espresso shaken with ice and sugar.”

 

“Oh? I thought you were more like a tea person? You’ve always ordered Chamomile.”

 

“My taste already changed, Bokuto-san.”

 

Bokuto scrunched his forehead a bit at that. “Well okay. I’ll pay for your drink. Don’t worry. It’s my treat!”

 

“I accept your offer then.”

 

 

Bokuto returned with their drinks, with “his usual” being a venti sized pink colored beverage that looks like it’s 50% whipped cream with a lot of chocolate syrup and sprinkles on top of it. He set the tray down on the table, handed him their drinks and started the conversation right away.

 

“So how have you been?”

 

“I’m doing fine. Work gets a bit hectic but nothing I can’t manage.”

 

“I hope you’re not tiring yourself out too much.”

 

“I take breaks once in a while, don’t worry.”

 

“Well okay then.”

 

Akaashi took a sip of his drink that made his face scrunch up a little.

It was too bitter for his taste.

 

Bokuto chuckled a bit at that. “You don’t have to force yourself to try to be an adult too much. You don’t take your coffee black.”

 

“I don’t want to drink your frappuccino and risk getting diabetes either.”

 

“Hey! My pinkity drinkity tastes good!”

 

“I don’t even want to ask why its name is like that.”

 

Bokuto whined at that but decided to change the topic.

 

“Sooo Akaashi... have you... have you already found someone you like now?”

 

He tried to bring up the question casually but the raven can see how he fidgeted with his fingers. His nervous habit.

 

“Well since you asked, in fact I do.”

 

A pause. “O-oh. Well that’s good then. Who’s the lucky guy?”

 

“It’s Konoha.”

 

Another silence. “Ah. I-I see.” He managed to stutter out.

 

The both of them turned quiet. Akaashi waited for him to speak since he looked like he wanted to say something more.

 

After awhile, the older male broke the awkward silence between them and turned serious.

 

“Have you ever wondered, what could’ve happened if we like... still stayed together in the end?”

 

“I can’t say that I haven’t. What if we got back together? I have thought of that before but I realized there’s no use since... it’s already over between us.”

 

Silence. And the former ace hated this. Hated how they gotten so awkward around each other when they used to be so comfortable. How there was never a dull and quiet moment between them before but now here they were like as if they were walking on glass just by talking to each other. Afraid to slip up and say something wrong.

 

He clenched his fists and bit his lip. His chest felt tight and he couldn’t help it anymore. There were a million things he wanted to say. The past emotions he kept bottling up for a long time just bursted and one by one the words spilled out.

 

“You know ever since we broke up, our former team – our friends kept asking if I still wanted you back... I already knew the answer right then.”

 

Bokuto looked into Akaashi’s eyes directly and took a deep breath.

 

“I’m still into you. Even up until now.”

 

Akaashi’s eyes widened at the sudden confession.

 

“Don’t say anything yet. Let me speak first... I’m sorry. I knew I was the one who fucked up all of this and I have no right to come crawling back to you after all I’ve done but fuck. Keiji. I tried to forget about you. I really did but when I was with him, I couldn’t help but still think about you. What should I do, Akaashi?”

 

Bokuto had broke down and choked on his tears.

“Never mind. You don’t have to say it. You don’t need to do anything.... God I feel so awful right now.” He quickly wiped his tears.

 

Akaashi carefully took Bokuto’s hand and clasped it gently. “Thank you. For telling me all of this. I know it wasn’t easy for you to say it but I appreciate you being completely honest with me with everything.”

 

He soothingly rubbed circles on the back of his palm.

 

“But.. I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. I’m afraid I can’t return those feelings no more.”

 

It was like a stab to his heart.

“I figured and I understand. I just wanted to let you know.”

A pause.

 

“I loved you, Koutarou. I still do but not in the same way as I used to anymore.”

 

Bokuto held his head down.

“I know we’re already over. I came here ready to get hurt but I was stupid enough to still cling onto a slight chance that you might ask me to come back to you but when you said you already found someone else you’re starting to like, I knew that was it. It’s game over.”

 

Bokuto started crying harder and hurriedly hid his face with his sleeves.

 

“Fuck. Don’t look, Akaashi. I must look terrible right now.”

 

“You’ve always been a crybaby, you know?”

 

“Shut up. I probably look so lame.”

 

“Letting yourself be vulnerable at times isn’t lame.”

 

After resting his head on his crossed arms on top of the table for awhile, he calmed down a bit already.

 

“I was too late huh?”

 

Akaashi didn’t say anything at first. He just lightly flicked his forehead. “Idiot. We can still stay as friends.”

 

Bokuto raised his head and let out a big sigh. “Okay... I said what I wanted to say. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.”

 

He stood up from his seat and stretched his arms.

 

“Hey, wanna visit our- err I mean my apartment? I caused quite a scene here and people are now looking so we gotta change places.”

 

Akaashi eyed him suspiciously.

 

Bokuto raised both of his hands in surrender. “I swear, no funny business! Just two friends hanging out. That’s all.”

 

After a moment of thinking, Akaashi relented. “Sure.”

 

So they took a walk back to the apartment. It was just nearby the cafe.

 

Once Akaashi entered the house, he immediately felt nostalgic.

 

“The apartment really hasn’t changed that much, huh?”

 

“Well after you’ve moved out, I didn’t really want to renovate cos it’ll feel like erasing you. But anyway go take a seat i’ll go get us some snacks.”

 

Akaashi took a seat at the slightly worn out couch. This was the very same couch the both of them used to just lazily lounge around during their day offs. The same couch where they shared hundreds of kisses on. Before he can reminisce some more, Bokuto already came back with the snacks and had set it down on the coffee table.

 

“Want me to put on a movie to watch?”

“Sure. You can pick whatever.”

 

Bokuto inserted a disc on the dvd player and took a seat on the couch too next to Akaashi.

 

The movie at the beginning was kind of boring. It had that usual vintage kind of set up to it and the characters were all British but as the movie progresses, the plot turns dark, heavy and full of gore. Whenever there was a scary scene, Bokuto would jolt and scream loudly while covering his eyes with a throw pillow.

 

“You’re still bad at horror movies?”

 

Bokuto squawks in defense. “Shut up! They’re scary okay??”

 

“But you were the one who chose this movie.”

 

He juts out his lip into a pout and whispered softly. “I know but you love horror movies.”

 

Akaashi turned quiet for a moment that made both of them just resume to watching the movie.

 

The next scene was kind of predictable judging by how the lighting suddenly dims and the background music turns eerie. Something’s definitely about to pop out and just before the ghost comes out, Akaashi quickly taps on Bokuto’s shoulder to spook him.

 

Bokuto let out such a high pitched squeal. “Ugh! Akaashi don’t do that!! Quit making fun of me!!”

 

Akaashi couldn’t help but burst into a laughter.

“I’m sorry but you just looked really funny jolting like that. You’re still jumpy as usual.”

 

And just like that, seeing Akaashi openly laugh like that after such a long time made him forget about being grumpy. “Hey.. Akaashi.. can I ask you a favor?”

 

The younger male stopped laughing. “What is it?”

 

Bokuto hesitated for a moment.. “Can you uhm... hold my hand maybe?”

 

Akaashi was about to say something but Bokuto quickly cut him off “It doesn’t mean anything! It’s just that when you held it awhile ago, it helped me calm down so can you do that again?”

 

Akaashi thought about it for awhile but agreed. “Okay.” He slowly took a hold of his hand.

 

Bokuto immediately warmed up to him. The spaces between Akaashi’s slender fingers are right where his fit perfectly. He had missed this so badly. He had missed Akaashi so fucking bad.

 

He slowly leaned his head on Akaashi’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He took in Akaashi’s scent. He changed his cologne but his scent is still there and it still smells just like him.

 

If he shut his eyes while holding his hand just like this, he can allow himself to pretend for just a moment that they were still together.

 

Bokuto slowly reached out his hand to caress Akaashi’s cheek and directly stared at his lips then back to his eyes.

 

“Akaashi... just one more thing. Could you... could you let me kiss you?”

 

The raven got caught off guard. “Bokuto-san, we’re just friends now. Friends don’t kiss other friends.”

 

“I know... but this would be the last time. Just one more time. Please.”

 

Akaashi went quiet for awhile.

“Are you sure you really want this, Bokuto-san? We can’t remain as friends anymore after this.”

 

The silver haired male slowly started sobbing.

“No... I don’t want to lose you completely, Akaashi but I’m begging you. I need to feel you again just this once. After this, I swear I won’t look at you in that way anymore.”

 

“I can’t do this.. I really can’t. This is wrong.”

 

Koutaro raised his voice. “What more do you have to lose? You already moved on. You don’t even love me anymore! This won’t mean anything to you but I need this to finally put an end to my feelings.”

 

“You’re only being too emotional right now, Bokuto-san. You might just be feeling too lonely.”

 

Bokuto snapped. “You can’t just invalidate my feelings like this. What I still feel towards you is real! That’s why I’m begging you. Help me put a stop to this. Please.” Bokuto’s voice broke at the last word.

 

Akaashi shook with anger.

“You think this is easy for me? You think I’ll be fine with this? I finally moved on from you, Bokuto! 6 months. 6 whole months of thinking to myself where did I go wrong? Was I not enough for him? You don’t know how much I suffered after we broke up. It took me a long time to heal and now that I’m finally okay, you come barging into my life like this again?”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Keiji. I know I’m being very selfish right now but I need this. I need you. I beg you.” Koutaro clutched onto his shirt tightly as it gets wet from all his tears.

 

Akaashi lowered his voice and tried to calm down after seeing how desperate his former lover looked like.

 

After a long consideration he spoke up. “You won’t regret this?”

 

The younger male tilted his chin up and looked straight into his eyes.

 

“I don’t have anything else left to lose. Just one last time. Please. I promise after that, I’ll let you go.”

 

Keiji inched closer to his face.

 

“You asked for this.”

Akaashi leaned in and tentatively pressed his lips onto his.

 

_I will always remember the first time you kissed my lips. It was as light as a feather._  

 

His movement were still hesitant but Bokuto quickly melted into the kiss.

 

Keiji’s lips were still as soft and plump as he remembered. The way their mouths meshed together felt like coming home. Kotaro can’t help but cry while kissing him. Their kisses tasting salty.

 

He knows this would really be the last time he gets to do this.

 

After a few while, Keiji pulled back and looked away but Koutaro won’t be satisfied with just that so he grabbed Keiji’s collar and pulled him in for another kiss.

 

The second kiss lasted longer but the raven pulled away again to catch his breath. “I really can’t do this after all.”

 

The former ace was not having it. He straddled the former setter’s hips and smashed their lips together again.

 

He took advantage of the younger’s gasp of surprise and slipped his tongue right into his mouth. He explored his cavern with his hot and wet tongue all over. The lip biting turned into sucking and then the sucking turned into moaning. Bokuto can’t help but buck his hips that causes their groins to create friction that caused Bokuto to moan out even more. Akaashi was still a bit hesitant but he responds with his kisses more eagerly now. He began rocking their hips together. Akaashi gradually kisses him more like he means it now and their make out is turning heated.

 

Bokuto slipped his hand under Akaashi’s shirt and tried to unbutton his shirt with the other but Akaashi was quick to pull away and stop his hand. “No touching or else I’ll stop this immediately.”

 

Bokuto was disappointed but nodded in agreement anyway just to resume making out.

 

God it feels so good kissing Akaashi like this. His desire for him are so carnal, he’s craving to touch and be touched so badly so he hungrily kisses him rougher and rolls his hips directly on the growing bulge on his pants to spur Akaashi on and it worked. Akaashi let out a moan and grabbed Bokuto by the hips.

 

“You’re really testing my patience here, Bokuto-san.”

 

“Then don’t hold back.”

 

Keiji hates how cocky that grin looked on his face like he already knows he’ll get his way.

 

“On one condition, I’ll be the one doing it to you. You can’t do it to me.”

 

Koutaro noticed how his eyes were now glazed over with lust and knew he already won. “Deal. Now hurry.”

 

Akaashi picked Bokuto up while the silver haired male wrapped his legs around the raven’s waist then the two of them fumbled into the bedroom they used to share and Akaashi pinned Bokuto down on the bed.

 

He was quick to remove both of their clothing.

 

After some preparation, Akaashi decided the former captain was ready to take him in.

 

“Don’t regret this, Koutaro.”

 

“Never.”

 

They finally connected their bodies again and it was like a putting a puzzle piece back together. They fit each other just so perfectly and their bodies still remember each others’ shapes. It felt too good and too heartbreaking at the same time. This would be the final time.

 

“More Keiji. More. Don’t be gentle with me! Be rougher! Be faster!”

 

_I don’t deserve your gentleness. Not when I’m taking advantage of you like this. I’m horrible._

 

The thrusts became too hurried and ragged. When they couldn’t both take too much of the pleasure anymore, they simultaneously released into completion.

 

When the two of them came down from their high and was laying on their backs now, they were met with dead silence again aside from the panting of their breaths.

 

Bokuto turned to face Akaashi.

 

“ _Do you really have no more feelings left for me?”_

 

“ _When we kissed. Why did it feel like you still wanted me?”_  

 

“ _Why did you look like you’re holding yourself back from reaching out to me?”_

 

_"Can you at least stay the night?”_  

 

Are what i wanted to ask but those words got stuck in my throat and I didn’t dare say anything.

 

“Thank you, Keiji. For fulfilling my selfish request.” He whispered softly.

 

“We really did it.”

 

“Are you uncomfortable now?”

 

“No... not really no.”

 

You’re still really gullible, Keiji. I know you regret it so why are you still being so nice to me even after what I did to you? Why did you really agree to do that? You still spoil me too much. 

 

But as I’ve thought. I really am still in love with you.

 

I’m such a cunning asshole. Forgive me, Keiji but I’ll stop now. I’ll really let you go already.

 

 

“Tell me at least one thing, Bokuto-san. Were you ever going to tell me?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Akaashi clenched his shaking fist and bit his trembling lip. “If I didn’t find out from Kenma would you have ever told me what happened between you and Kuroo-san?”

 

Bokuto took a deep breath.

“Look, I made a mistake, Keiji. I was drunk and was so so lonely without you. I didn’t know what I was thinking. Kuroo really is just a friend to me, I swear but we were both too intoxicated at that time and we didn’t know any better but I admit it was all my fault for confusing my lust and loneliness into love and I honestly was going to bring it up to you before at the right time. I just didn’t know how to explain. I was so scared to lose you. Please believe me.”

 

Keiji let out a deep sigh.

“I do believe you. In fact, I’ve already forgiven you for that for a long time now so you should stop blaming yourself and still carrying that guilt with you. I forgive you but I’m sorry... I can only accept your apology and not your love for me this time.”

 

Bokuto’s chest tightened and he could feel his heart breaking.

 

“Thank you for everything, Keiji. I really mean it. You changed me so much, you can’t even imagine how amazing my life was because of you but most of all... thank you for setting me free.”

 

“I should also be thanking you, Koutaro. This past 4 years with you were the happiest that I’ve ever had.”

 

He briefly smiled before standing up from the bed to pick up his clothes and get dressed.

 

_I used to love these sheets. Dark hair against the white. I miss watching you get dressed in our hazy bedroom light._

 

Tears streamed down Bokuto’s face.

 

_It took a couple weeks, last night I finally cried. I remembered us in Tokyo, your gunmetal blue covered eyes._

 

“Promise me one last thing, Akaashi. That you’ll be happy. That you’ll find someone better. Someone who’ll treat you so much better than I ever did.”

 

“I promise.” Akaashi tied the last of his shoelace and pressed one last goodbye kiss on Bokuto’s forehead.

 

“Take care of yourself, Bokuto-san.” He had shut the door on his way out.

 

_I can’t forget the way it felt when you walked out the door._  

 

   ** _I don’t want to love you anymore._**  

 

Maybe someday I’ll have the courage to finally throw away all of our pictures together and the letters you sent me back when I was still in college. I still have them all with me in my drawer. There, I’ll keep all of those along with my remaining feelings for you locked up. Maybe someday I’ll finally learn how to forget about you.

 

But for now I’ll linger on the bittersweet aftertaste you’ve left me.

 

 

It was then I realized... goodbye tastes like _caffè_ _freddo_.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is actually based on a true break up story I’ve experienced first hand lmao


End file.
